


Killing me softly

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29891460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Tosh's kindness is overwhelming.
Kudos: 5
Collections: fic_promptly Fills 2016





	Killing me softly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [badly_knitted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/badly_knitted/gifts).



Tosh was most definitely a morning person. There was nothing that could ruin those first few moments knowing that the rest of the day still stretched out before her, full of possibility.

If the barista at the local coffee shop and the grumbling patrons couldn't dampen her spirit, then nothing would today. Clearly none of them were morning people, only there to get their coffee fix which would put a dint in any early morning disappointment they already seemed to be facing. No, for her today would be a good day.

She clutched the paper tray in her hand and let the first wisps of morning breeze ruffle her fringe. She'd only gone in to get one coffee, her usual morning habit that she hadn't broken for nearly four years now, but such was her mood that she bought three more. The team could always do with a little pick me up. None of them were particularly morning people either, except maybe Jack, and he needed coffee regardless, just as she did.

Walking across the plass, she smiled. The sun was out and the sky was clear. Even the coffee seemed perfect. The tray held four cups, perfect and symmetrical. It didn't matter which way she held it, it would always be perfectly balanced in her hand, two by two and square on all sides. Two plus two, two by two, two to the power of two, all came to four. It was a perfect number. Mathematics was a beautiful thing.

She glanced at it again, thinking how it was just perfect for the team. Four coffees and four of them, Jack, Gwen, Owen and herself. Then she paused, coming to a stop halfway down the stairs. No, that wasn't right. There were five of them. She'd forgotten Ianto. How could she forget Ianto? There were five of them on the team; there had been for absolutely ages, even after Suzie had gone, there'd still been five, with Gwen making up the numbers.

She felt a huge wave of guilt and shame consume her. How could she have been so heartless as to forget him? Sure, the others might not have paid him much mind, but she'd always thought he was nice, and she'd always tried to be nice to him. He was quiet and hard-working just like her, but she supposed the others didn't really see him as part of the team. Certainly not after everything that had just happened.

That made her feel worse. If anything, he should have been in the forefront of her mind. She was worried about him. He always looked so sad, even though he tried not to show it. He'd sacrificed everything to save the one person he loved more than anything in the world, and they'd known nothing about it. She'd thought she knew him, or at least more than the rest of them, but he'd turned out to be a complete mystery. Perhaps if she'd been more forward and tried to get to know him better. Instead she'd let him keep to himself, thinking she was doing the right thing. She wasn't the pushy, nosy kind.

He'd been suspended from work for a week on Jack's orders, but he'd been back for the first time yesterday, still looking just as despondent as before, if not worse. She wasn't even sure why he'd come back. She didn't think she would have been able to if she'd been stood in his shoes.

The four coffees began to feel heavy in her hand, realising she'd just been standing there, staring at them, trying to mentally somehow make four into five. Five of them - the team - Jack, Gwen, Owen, Ianto and her. He was as much a part of the team as any of them, though for how much longer she couldn't say. She really hoped he'd stay. Even after last week's events, he still seemed so nice. If she couldn't find the kindness in her heart to forgive him, then no one could.

She descended the remaining steps and walked along the quay. Five of them; she repeated the names over in her head to consolidate them. Jack, Gwen, Owen, Ianto, Tosh. The team.

When she pushed through the door, he was sitting there, working away. He barely even looked at her. She knew he didn't consider himself part of the team, and probably never had. She was determined to change that, starting today, starting with her, even if the rest of them did nothing.

She pulled out the coffee from the tray and put it on the desk in front of him. 'No one ever gets you a coffee,' she said. It hurt because it was true. Five, not four.

She waited a moment for the thank you, or the tiny little smile of gratitude, but it never came. He just leaned over and pressed the button to let her through. It was almost as if he could hear what she was thinking. If anything, he looked even more miserable for her efforts. This random act of impromptu kindness was more than he could cope with.

It was going to take more than a coffee to fix things. Tosh had a lot of work still to do.


End file.
